Funny Left Right Gift Exchange Stories Retirement Party

Short: The First Monday

On the first Monday of retirement, Pat woke at half past five, the same as every Monday of a long career. There was no alarm. Pat had put the alarm clock in the trash on Friday, with a short speech. It made no difference.

By six Pat was dressed. By half past, Pat was backing out of the driveway with a packed lunch, and turning LEFT, the way that car has always turned.

It was a pleasant drive through Alder Springs. The lights were green. At the bakery corner Pat went RIGHT, pulled into the lot and took the usual space, the third one on the LEFT.

It was only at the front door, reaching for a badge that was not there, that Pat remembered.

Gloria was just coming in.

"Forget something?" said Gloria.

"I retired," said Pat. "It slipped my mind."

"There was a party," said Gloria. "You made a speech. There was cake."

"I remember the cake."

"Well, you are here now," said Gloria. "Come in. The coffee is RIGHT where it always was."

So Pat had one cup and the last doughnut LEFT in the box, told three people they were doing it wrong, and was gone again by nine. The packed lunch was eaten at home, with both feet up.

On Tuesday Pat woke at half past five, looked at the ceiling, said "RIGHT," and slept until ten. That LEFT just enough of the morning for a second breakfast.

Happy retirement, Pat. Whatever you are holding now is yours to keep.

All 5 stories

Show the list

Short: The First Monday Short, about 2 minutes. LEFT 4, RIGHT 3. The first Monday of retirement, and a car that knows the way to work. Gifts end one seat left of where they started. Asks for 3 words: 2 × name, 1 × town.
The Card That Went Round Standard, about 3 minutes. LEFT 4, RIGHT 3. A secret farewell card, a folder marked Budget and one desk too many. Gifts end one seat left of where they started. Asks for 3 words: 2 × name, 1 × town.
For the Toast: The Speech on Six Cards For the toast, about 2 minutes. LEFT 4, RIGHT 3. Six cards at home, and a grocery list read with feeling. Gifts end one seat left of where they started. Asks for 4 words: 2 × name, 1 × town, 1 × number.
Busier Than Ever Standard, about 2 minutes. LEFT 4, RIGHT 3. One plan for retirement, and five weeks of everything else. Gifts end one seat left of where they started. Asks for 4 words: 2 × name, 1 × town, 1 × hobby.
Rhymed: No More Mondays Rhymed, 14 couplets, about 3 minutes. LEFT 4, RIGHT 3. What the retiree gives up, and what the rest of us lose. Gifts end one seat left of where they started. Asks for 3 words: 2 × name, 1 × town.

The kinds of words the game asks for

Name a first name; a made-up one is fine. More examples: Sir Reginald, Professor Plum, Doctor Noodle.
Number any number, like 7 or 3,000. More examples: 3,000, 12, 99.

How these stories were written: All five stories were written for this site in October 2026, and none is adapted from a left right story in circulation. The retiree, the coworkers and the town are the names you type, or samples; no real person or workplace appears. Pass counts are counted from the final text. Licence: own work

How it works

A left right story at a retirement party sends every gift one place over each time the reader says LEFT or RIGHT. Press Start: give me 3 words to put your retiree's name in The First Monday.

Read the full guide

How to play

Each guest holds a small wrapped gift, and three or more stand or sit in a ring. One person reads, slowly, and stops at each LEFT or RIGHT in capitals while every gift moves one place that way. The last line hands each guest the gift they are holding.

Pick a story

The First Monday is the short one: the retiree drives to work out of habit. The Card That Went Round is a secret farewell card that lands on the wrong desk. The Speech on Six Cards suits the toast. Busier Than Ever asks for a hobby. No More Mondays is 14 rhymed couplets.

One gift for the retiree? Start it with the guest on their right: all five stories end one seat left.
Another send-off story, Clearing the Desk, is on the left right party game page in a short and a long cut.
Type fishing, not go fishing: Busier Than Ever says time for fishing.

Questions and answers

How long does a retirement left right story take?

About 2 to 3 minutes, with 7 passes in each. The First Monday, The Speech on Six Cards and Busier Than Ever take about 2 minutes. The Card That Went Round and the rhyme take about 3.

What do you pass in a left right game at a retirement party?

Small wrapped gifts of about equal value, one a guest: a mug, a puzzle book, a packet of seeds. Or pass the retiree's own present round the ring. With three or more players, nobody finishes with the gift they started with.

Are these funny retirement stories clean enough for a work party?

Yes. Nobody's age is the joke, nothing stronger than coffee is poured, and no boss or workplace is mocked. The worst the retiree does is drive to work by mistake and sign their own farewell card.

Do the stories fit any kind of job?

Yes. None names a trade, a company or a boss. The Card That Went Round is set among desks, and the rhyme has meetings and passwords in it; the other three read true for a school, a plant or a hospital as well.