These deep this or that questions put two good ways to live on one card: Being admired or being trusted, Freedom or belonging. Deep means thoughtful here, never heavy. Press a side to vote and see how the room splits.
Read the full guide
Vote, then ask one person why
Read both options aloud and press a side once for each raised hand. The card shows the split. Ask one person from the smaller side why, then press Next question. Each pair also has a follow-up question in the list under the deck, such as Was your answer the same at fourteen?
Pick a set for the room
Press Topic. People is the set for close friends: A few close friends or a wide circle. Time suits a long drive, and Work and purpose fits a team dinner. Easy keeps to quick picks such as Savor today or plan tomorrow.
Tips
Under Topic, Hard holds the pairs people take a moment over: Loyalty or principle, Be needed or be free.
Nobody has to explain a vote. A pass keeps the game kind.
Questions and answers
What are good this or that questions about life?
Try A steady routine or constant variety, Put down roots or keep moving, and Fond memories or bright hopes. Under Topic, How you live and Time hold these and more like them. Every pair prints in the list under the deck.
Are these deep questions heavy or personal?
No. No pair asks about death, illness, money troubles, family conflict, faith, politics or romance. Each one is a choice between two good things, so nobody has to share more than a vote.
Where is the follow-up question?
In the list under the deck, beside its pair. The card shows only the two options, so the host reads the follow-up aloud. For Standing out or fitting in, it asks Was your answer the same at fourteen?
Is this deck written for adults?
Yes, with adults in mind: the pairs are about work, friendships and how to spend a life. Every card is clean, so a mixed table can play. For housework and money habits, deal the adults deck.
A calm mind or a sharp mind?Which one do you have more of on a normal day?
A simple life or a full life?What would you take out, or add, to get there?
An open ear or a helping hand?Which one did you need most from someone this year?
Being admired or being trusted?Which one do you notice more when it is missing?
Being dependable or being surprising?Which word would your friends use for you?
Being fair or being generous?When do the two pull in different directions?
Being right or being at peace?What was the last thing you let go of to keep the peace?
By the rulebook or by your judgment?Which rule do you think is worth keeping even when nobody checks?
Candor or tact?When did tact help more than candor?
Choosing comfort or choosing growth?When was the last time you picked the other one?
Eloquence or action?What is one thing someone said or did that you still carry?
Freedom or belonging?Where do you feel both at once?
Honor old customs or rewrite the customs?Which custom would you never change?
Known for skill or known for kindness?Who do you know that manages both?
The listener or the storyteller?Who is the best listener you know?
Loud applause or a quiet word?Which kind of praise stays with you longer?
Loyalty or principle?When did the two last pull you in different directions?
Patience or persistence?Which one got you through the last hard task?
Polished work or punctual work?Which one would your teachers have guessed?
Proud of effort or proud of results?Name one thing you are proud of that never showed in a result.
Quick to thank or quick to apologize?Which words come easier to you?
Small daily kindnesses or one grand gesture?What small kindness do you still remember years later?
Standing out or fitting in?Was your answer the same at fourteen?
Staying curious or feeling content?What are you curious about right now?
Trust comes first or trust is earned?What did someone do that earned yours?
How you live 25
A garden to tend or a road to wander?Which one did you want as a child?
A jam-packed Saturday or a wide-open Saturday?What does your ideal Saturday look like?
A sleepy lane or a busy avenue?What sounds do you hear from your window?
A steady routine or constant variety?Which part of your day never changes?
Busy and tired or rested and behind?Which one describes this month?
City bustle or village stillness?Where did you grow up, and did it shape your answer?
Far trips, rarely or near trips, often?Which trip do you talk about most?
Finish the list or enjoy the day?When did you last leave the list unfinished on purpose?
Guided by a motto or guided by mood?If you had a motto, what would it be?
Home as retreat or home as gathering place?Who was the last person at your table?
Know every neighbor or keep to yourself?Do you know the name of the person next door?
Make the plan or go along happily?Who makes the plans in your group?
Many short chapters or one long story?What would you call the chapter you are in?
Near old friends or near new chances?What would it take for you to move?
One hobby, deeply or many hobbies, lightly?Which hobby have you kept the longest?
Own fewer things or keep the keepsakes?What is one object you would never give away?
Plan the year or take it weekly?What is the furthest ahead you have ever planned something?
Put down roots or keep moving?How long is the longest you have lived in one place?
Side-by-side strolls or face-to-face chats?Who do you talk with best while walking?
Slow mornings or productive mornings?What is the first thing you do after waking?
Sunrise stillness or starlit stillness?What do you do with that quiet hour?
The tried and true or the untried?What do you return to again and again?
Trust the notebook or trust your memory?Do you ever reread what you wrote?
Unplugged evenings or connected evenings?What do you do when the screens are off?
Work it out alone or ask someone who knows?What is the last thing you taught yourself?
Time 25
A 25th hour or an eighth day?What would you spend the extra time on?
A long memory or a fresh start?What do you hope you never forget?
A quick starter or a strong finisher?Which one were you at school?
A slow Sunday or a busy Saturday?What does a slow Sunday look like at your place?
A yearly ritual or a yearly surprise?What do you do every year without fail?
All four seasons or endless springtime?Which season would you keep?
Always know the time or lose track of time?What makes you lose track of time?
An unhurried start or a flying start?How do your best days begin?
Anticipation or nostalgia?What are you looking forward to this season?
Await your chance or create your chance?When did waiting pay off for you?
Decide right now or sleep on it?Which decision are you glad you slept on?
Finish early or polish until the deadline?Which habit do you wish you had?
Fond memories or bright hopes?Which one are you richer in today?
Keep old letters or clear them out?What is the oldest note or card you still have?
Old photo album or fresh wish list?Which photo do you look at most?
One long vacation or many short breaks?When was your last proper break?
One perfect hour or one good day?What would the hour hold?
The outbound journey or the homeward journey?What do you think about on that leg of a trip?
Pause, then speak or reply at once?When did a pause save you from saying the wrong thing?
Remember every detail or be fully present?When were you last so present that you forgot the time?
Rewind the clock or fast-forward the clock?How far would you turn it?
Savor today or plan tomorrow?What is one thing today that is worth slowing down for?
Spend time freely or save time carefully?What is the best use of a free afternoon?
Swift seasons or lingering seasons?Which year of your life felt the longest?
Visit ten years back or visit ten years ahead?What would you look for first?
People 25
A cheerleader friend or a challenger friend?Who tells you when you are wrong?
A few close friends or a wide circle?How did you meet your oldest friend?
Advice from elders or advice from peers?What is the best advice an older person gave you?
An intimate supper or a crowded feast?Who would be at the small table?
Be needed or be free?Who counts on you right now?
Be the teacher or be the student?What could you teach the people in this room?
Chatty company or restful company?Who can you sit in silence with?
Clap the loudest or smile from the back?Whose big moment did you last cheer for?
Deep talk or easy laughter?Who gives you both?
Explain yourself well or read others well?Which skill would you rather be known for?
Follow a mentor or find your own way?Who showed you how to do what you do?
Forgive at once or forgive in time?What makes forgiving easier for you?
Friends since childhood or friends made this year?Who is the newest friend in your life?
Guard the secret or spill the plan?What is the best surprise you ever pulled off?
Kindred spirits or friendly opposites?What have you learned from a friend who is nothing like you?
Offering praise or hearing praise?What compliment have you never forgotten?
Old inside jokes or brand-new stories?Which joke never gets old in your group?
One long visit or many short calls?Who would you like a long visit with?
The one who helps or the one who asks?Which is harder for you, and why?
Reach out first or wait to hear?Who should you call this week?
Say it in person or put it in writing?What is the best letter or note you ever received?
Shared success or solo success?Which win felt better?
Spot a familiar face or know a familiar voice?Whose voice would you know anywhere?
The spotlight or the backbone?Which role do you fall into without trying?
Whisper it to one or announce it to all?Who hears your good news first?
Work and purpose 25
A north star or a next step?What is your next step this week?
A rough sketch or a full blueprint?How much do you plan before you begin?
A steady path or a winding path?Which one has yours been so far?
Always a beginner or finally a master?What are you a beginner at right now?
The big idea or the careful plan?Which one do you bring to a group?
Build something new or mend something old?What did you last build or mend?
Clear instructions or a blank page?What would you make from a blank page?
Deep in one field or wide across many?What other work could you see yourself doing?
Follow a calling or practice a craft?Did you choose your work, or did it find you?
Give your time or share your skills?What skill of yours could help a neighbor?
Handcraft or brainwork?What do your hands know how to do?
Improve what exists or invent what is missing?What would you improve first?
Joyful work or meaningful work?Have you ever had both in one job or project?
Make useful things or make beautiful things?What do you own that is both?
The manager or the specialist?Which one suits you today?
Master one craft or try many crafts?What would you like to be truly good at?
One big achievement or many small wins?What small win did you have this week?
One masterpiece or years of good work?Whose steady work do you admire?
Praised for effort or praised for talent?Which praise did you hear more growing up?
Public recognition or private satisfaction?What have you done well that nobody saw?
Quiet solo focus or lively team energy?Where do you do your best thinking?
Solve a hard puzzle or help one person?Which one makes a day feel well spent?
Teach what you know or learn something new?What is the next thing you want to learn?
Work that changes daily or work you can perfect?How much change do you like in a week?
Writing first drafts or making final edits?What is waiting half done at home?
Risk and change 25
A cliffhanger or a tidy resolution?Do you read the last page first?
A compass or your curiosity?Where did curiosity last take you?
A detailed itinerary or no itinerary?What was your least planned adventure?
A sudden shift or a gradual shift?What small shift could you make today?
Ask the question or wait and see?What question are you glad you asked?
Decide alone or decide together?Who do you talk a decision through with?
Dive straight in or wade in slowly?Which one describes your last big decision?
The familiar route or the scenic detour?When did a detour turn out well?
Fresh habits or fresh scenery?Which change worked for you before?
Learn a new skill or sharpen an old one?Which skill would you pick?
Rehearse it or improvise it?What have you rehearsed in the mirror?
Relocate or retrain?Which would be the bigger change for you?
Replant yourself or tend your patch?What keeps you where you are?
Rethink a routine or rethink an opinion?Which opinion of yours has changed the most?
The safe choice or the bold choice?What is the boldest choice you have made so far?
Say yes more or say no more?Which word do you need more of this year?
See it through or let it go?What did you let go of at the right time?
Speak up now or wait for your moment?When were you glad you spoke up?
Steady small gains or one daring leap?When did a leap work out for you?
Stick to the plan or change course midway?When did changing course save the day?
Trust your gut or gather more facts?When was your gut right?
Try and miss or always wonder?What are you glad you tried, whatever came of it?
Try it first or wait for reviews?What did you try before anyone you know?
The way that works or a way worth testing?What do you still do the old way?
Welcome the unexpected or prefer the predictable?What happy accident do you remember?
How this list was compiled
Written for this site by the editors on 2026-09-30; nothing was copied from another list. Every card is a pair of options of one to four words, so both fit on a button, and every pair is about values or the shape of a life: what matters most, how you live, time, people, work and purpose, risk and change. Each pair comes with one follow-up question written for that pair; it prints in the list under the deck and is not shown on the card. Deep here means thoughtful, not heavy: no pair or follow-up is about death, illness, money troubles, family conflict, faith, politics, romance, bodies or what a person earns. No brand, real person or title of a work appears, and no pair states a fact. Levels are an editor's estimate: easy pairs are quick preferences, and hard pairs are choices people take a moment over. Compared by script on 2026-09-30 with every other deck on this site, including the other this or that decks, this-or-that-generator, hardest-would-you-rather-questions, deep-conversation-starters and philosophical-questions: no card and no pair of options is shared, and no card shares more than 60 percent of its content words with one card elsewhere. No outside page was read for this list. Licence: own work