Dumbest Questions to Ask

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Dumbest Questions to Ask

Why does a round pizza come in a square box and get cut into triangles?

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What shape would you make the box?

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The dumbest questions to ask are the ones nobody can settle: Do fish ever get thirsty? Is the hole in a bagel part of the bagel? Here are 150, dumb on purpose, each with a follow-up.

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Six kinds of dumb

Dumb but fair sounds silly and is hard to answer. Confusing holds the confusing questions to ask when you want a knot: If we agree to disagree, do we agree? Words that make no sense, Food and the kitchen, Animals and Everyday things do what they say.

Joke questions to ask, not to answer

No card gives an answer. A few could be looked up, which is half the argument. As stupid questions to ask people go, these are kind ones: none makes fun of a person or a group.

  • Ask it with a straight face, as if you need to know. The more serious the asker, the longer the argument.

Questions and answers

What is the dumbest question to ask?

One that sounds simple and is not: How do you throw away a trash can? Is it still a shortcut if everybody takes it? Each takes ten seconds to ask and a whole dinner to drop.

What makes a question confusing?

It folds back on itself: If you plan to be spontaneous, are you? If a rule says there are no rules, is that a rule? Most of the Confusing cards are marked Medium.

Do the questions have answers?

Not on the card. A few have a real answer somewhere, such as whether fish get thirsty, and looking it up afterwards is allowed. The follow-up is a second question, never an answer.

Are these dumb questions clean?

Yes. Nothing is rude or gross and no card mocks anyone, so a family table can play. For younger children, the what if questions for kids were written for ages 5 to 12.

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All 150 questions

Dumb but fair 25

  • At what time does good morning expire? Follow-up: What do you say at one minute past noon?
  • Can you cry underwater? Follow-up: How would anyone know?
  • Do fish ever get thirsty? Follow-up: And if one did, what would it order?
  • Does a mirror show what you look like or the opposite of it? Follow-up: Which version do your friends know?
  • How do you throw away a trash can? Follow-up: What is the hardest thing you ever had to get rid of?
  • How far up does the sky start? Follow-up: Are you in it when you jump?
  • How long is a little while? Follow-up: Is a jiffy shorter or longer than that?
  • How many grains of sand does it take to make a pile? Follow-up: Take one away: is it still a pile?
  • If nothing sticks to a nonstick pan, how did the coating get stuck to the pan? Follow-up: What else do you use every day without knowing how it works?
  • If time flies, where does it land? Follow-up: Where did your last free hour go?
  • If two people get the same idea at the same moment, whose idea is it? Follow-up: Has that happened to you, and who took the credit?
  • If you are the only one waiting, is it a line? Follow-up: How many people does a line take?
  • If you borrow a pen and it runs dry, do you owe a pen or just the ink? Follow-up: What have you borrowed that never went back the same?
  • If you drop the soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty? Follow-up: Which one do you wash first?
  • If you paint over a red door, is the door still red underneath? Follow-up: What in your home is wearing a costume?
  • Is a hill an uphill or a downhill? Follow-up: Which is it when nobody is walking on it?
  • Is a puddle a small lake or a big drop? Follow-up: At what size does it get a name?
  • Is a staircase that leads nowhere still a staircase? Follow-up: Where is the oddest staircase you have seen?
  • Is it still a shortcut if everybody takes it? Follow-up: What is your favorite shortcut that is not really shorter?
  • Is my ceiling the upstairs neighbor's floor, or are they two things? Follow-up: Who gets to hang a lamp from it?
  • Is the top of a hole the hole or the ground? Follow-up: So where does a hole begin?
  • Which came first, the seed or the plant? Follow-up: And who was there to water it?
  • Who decided the weekend goes at the end of the week and not in the middle? Follow-up: Which two days would you pick?
  • Why do towels need washing if we only use them when we are clean? Follow-up: What else gets dirty by cleaning?
  • Why is W called double U when it is drawn as a double V? Follow-up: What would you call it?

Confusing 25

  • Can you be late for something that has no starting time? Follow-up: When does on time begin, then?
  • Can you daydream at night? Follow-up: Then what do you call it?
  • If a rule says there are no rules, is that a rule? Follow-up: Who enforces it?
  • If a sign says Ignore this sign, what should you do? Follow-up: And if you obey it, did you ignore it?
  • If everyone is unique, is being unique ordinary? Follow-up: What is the most ordinary thing about you?
  • If everything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible? Follow-up: Give one example either way.
  • If I am early because my watch is fast, am I early or wrong? Follow-up: Which do you tell the person waiting?
  • If I ask you to ignore this question, can you? Follow-up: Did you just try?
  • If nobody is perfect, what is all the practice for? Follow-up: What have you practiced the most?
  • If tomorrow never comes, what do we call the day after today? Follow-up: And when does it get here?
  • If two wrongs do not make a right, what do two rights make? Follow-up: And three lefts?
  • If we agree to disagree, do we agree? Follow-up: About what, exactly?
  • If you are your own worst enemy and your own best friend, who wins? Follow-up: Who started it?
  • If you buy a bigger bed, do you have more bed room or less bedroom? Follow-up: Which would you rather have?
  • If you change your mind, which mind made the decision? Follow-up: Is the old one still in there somewhere?
  • If you expect the unexpected, is it still unexpected? Follow-up: What did you last fail to expect?
  • If you find the lost and found, was it ever lost? Follow-up: Who do you hand it in to?
  • If you forget what you meant to forget, did you remember it? Follow-up: What were we talking about?
  • If you go halfway there, then halfway again, do you ever arrive? Follow-up: Where are you trying to get to this week?
  • If you lose a game of doing nothing, what did you do? Follow-up: How would a referee call it?
  • If you pay someone to surprise you, is it a surprise? Follow-up: What surprise would you order?
  • If you plan to be spontaneous, are you? Follow-up: What did you last do without planning?
  • If you snooze, you lose, but who is it that wins? Follow-up: What have you won by sleeping in?
  • If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do? Follow-up: Would you put it on a job application?
  • Is the answer to this question no? Follow-up: Take your time.

Words that make no sense 25

  • If a word were misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever find out? Follow-up: Which word do you never spell right the first time?
  • Where is the egg in an eggplant? Follow-up: And the pine, or the apple, in a pineapple?
  • Who decided that cars park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? Follow-up: Which word would you swap?
  • Why do I am up for it and I am down for it mean the same? Follow-up: Which one do you say?
  • Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing? Follow-up: Do speed up and speed down?
  • Why do tugboats push? Follow-up: What else does the opposite of its name?
  • Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon? Follow-up: Who mixed those up?
  • Why do we chop a tree down and then chop it up? Follow-up: Which way is the tree going?
  • Why do we fill in a form by filling it out? Follow-up: Which one do you say?
  • Why do we hang up a phone that hangs on nothing? Follow-up: Which other sayings have outlived their object?
  • Why do we say sleep like a baby when babies wake up all night? Follow-up: Whose sleep would you rather have?
  • Why do we say the alarm went off when it came on? Follow-up: What else goes off by coming on?
  • Why do we ship things by truck and send cargo by ship? Follow-up: Which word needs to move?
  • Why does quicksand work so slowly? Follow-up: What else has the wrong name?
  • Why is a television set only one thing? Follow-up: What would a full set include?
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word? Follow-up: What would you shorten it to?
  • Why is it a hot water heater if the water is already hot? Follow-up: What does yours heat?
  • Why is it a near miss when it nearly hit? Follow-up: Should it be a near hit?
  • Why is it a pair of pants when it is one thing? Follow-up: Is a shirt a pair of sleeves?
  • Why is it an apartment when it is joined to the ones beside it? Follow-up: What would be a more honest name?
  • Why is it called a building when it is already built? Follow-up: What should it be called while it is going up?
  • Why is it called rush hour when nothing moves? Follow-up: What would you call it?
  • Why is phonetic not spelled the way it sounds? Follow-up: How would you spell it?
  • Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand? Follow-up: What would you rename it?
  • Why is the word big smaller than the word small? Follow-up: Which word looks least like what it means?

Food and the kitchen 25

  • Do sprinkles have a flavor or just a crunch? Follow-up: What do they add, then?
  • Does a cake with one slice missing still count as a whole cake? Follow-up: Who took the slice?
  • Does the last chip in the bag taste better than the first? Follow-up: Who gets the last one at your house?
  • How thin can a slice be before it stops being a slice? Follow-up: Who cuts the thinnest slice you know?
  • If brunch is breakfast plus lunch, what is a snack at four in the afternoon? Follow-up: Does it deserve a name?
  • If food falls and nobody saw, did it touch the floor? Follow-up: Who in your house would eat it anyway?
  • If the sauce is the best part, is the rest just a spoon? Follow-up: Which food is only there to carry the sauce?
  • If you blend a salad, is it still a salad? Follow-up: Would you eat it with a fork?
  • If you leave a grape out, at what moment is it a raisin? Follow-up: Is there a day when it is neither?
  • If you toast bread twice, is it toast toast? Follow-up: When does it stop being toast?
  • Is a burnt cookie still a cookie or a new thing? Follow-up: What would you name it?
  • Is an ice cube a food? Follow-up: What if you chew it?
  • Is the heel of the loaf a slice or a lid? Follow-up: Who eats it at your house?
  • Is the hole in a bagel part of the bagel? Follow-up: Did you pay for it?
  • Is water a flavor? Follow-up: What does your tap water taste of?
  • When a recipe says salt to taste, whose taste? Follow-up: Who at your table always asks for more?
  • When does a snack become a meal? Follow-up: Does eating it standing up change the answer?
  • Which end of a banana is the top? Follow-up: Which end do you open?
  • Who decides when leftovers have become a science project? Follow-up: What is the oldest thing in your fridge right now?
  • Who was the first person to look at an artichoke and keep going? Follow-up: Which food took the most courage to try first?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box and get cut into triangles? Follow-up: What shape would you make the box?
  • Why does the toaster wait until you walk away to pop? Follow-up: What else in the kitchen is watching you?
  • Why is it a cupcake when it comes nowhere near a cup? Follow-up: What is a mug cake, then?
  • Why is it fast food when the line is slow? Follow-up: What is the longest you have waited for something fast?
  • Why is the spoon drawer always the fullest? Follow-up: Where do your teaspoons go?

Animals 25

  • At what age does a puppy become just a dog? Follow-up: Does anyone tell the puppy?
  • Do bees ever get lost on the way home? Follow-up: How do you find your way without a phone?
  • Do birds get tired of their own song? Follow-up: Which song are you tired of?
  • Do cats know their names and choose not to answer? Follow-up: Who else do you know like that?
  • Do cows think people are tall or just standing up? Follow-up: What do you think a cow thinks about all day?
  • Do frogs like the rain or just put up with it? Follow-up: Which weather do you just put up with?
  • Do horses think it is odd that we sit on them? Follow-up: What would the horse rather do?
  • Do owls ever sleep in and feel bad about it? Follow-up: What time is early for an owl?
  • Do roosters ever want a day off? Follow-up: Who is the rooster in your house?
  • Do squirrels remember where they hid everything? Follow-up: What have you hidden so well that you lost it?
  • Does a cat think it owns the house? Follow-up: What would the rent be?
  • Does a chameleon have a favorite color? Follow-up: What color would it turn when it is embarrassed?
  • Does a dog have a favorite person or just a favorite pocket? Follow-up: Whose pocket would win at your house?
  • Does a dog think the mail carrier leaves because of the barking? Follow-up: From the dog's side, has it ever failed?
  • Does a fish in a bowl think the room is the big bowl? Follow-up: What would be outside our bowl?
  • Does a goldfish get bored of the same little castle? Follow-up: How would you redecorate the bowl?
  • Does a hamster think the wheel is going somewhere? Follow-up: What is your wheel?
  • Does a snail think it is going fast? Follow-up: What would a snail call a traffic jam?
  • Does a spider ever walk into another spider's web by mistake? Follow-up: What is the people version of that?
  • How does a giraffe decide which leaves are too low to bother with? Follow-up: What is too low for you to bother with?
  • If a parrot repeats a secret, who broke the promise? Follow-up: What should nobody say in front of a parrot?
  • Is a dalmatian a white dog with black spots or a black dog with white gaps? Follow-up: Which answer would the dog give?
  • What does a dog think the vacuum cleaner wants? Follow-up: What do you think it wants?
  • Why do ducks walk as if they are late? Follow-up: Where would a duck need to be?
  • Why do pigeons walk when they can fly? Follow-up: When do you take the slow way on purpose?

Everyday things 25

  • If you set an alarm to remind you to set an alarm, how many alarms is too many? Follow-up: How many do you set?
  • Where do the missing socks go, and why only one of each pair? Follow-up: How many singles are in your drawer?
  • Why do batteries only run out at night? Follow-up: What ran out on you last?
  • Why do keys hide only when you are late? Follow-up: Where were they last time?
  • Why do pens vanish while pen caps stay? Follow-up: Where is the pen you had this morning?
  • Why do umbrellas only break when it rains? Follow-up: How many have you left on a bus?
  • Why do we check the time and have to check again a second later? Follow-up: How many looks does it take you?
  • Why do we keep the box in case we need the box? Follow-up: Which box have you kept the longest?
  • Why do we look up when we are thinking? Follow-up: Where do you look when you forget a name?
  • Why do we nod when we are on the phone? Follow-up: What else do you do that the other person cannot see?
  • Why do we open the fridge, find nothing, and look again two minutes later? Follow-up: What did you hope had changed?
  • Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are low? Follow-up: Has it ever worked?
  • Why do we read the back of the same cereal box every morning? Follow-up: What does yours say?
  • Why do we say excuse me to a doorframe we walked into? Follow-up: What else have you apologized to?
  • Why do we say two seconds for something that takes ten minutes? Follow-up: What is your real two seconds?
  • Why do we turn the music down to find a house number? Follow-up: What else do you turn down to see better?
  • Why do we walk faster in the rain if we get wet anyway? Follow-up: Do you run, walk or give up?
  • Why do we write a shopping list and then leave it at home? Follow-up: What was on the last one you forgot?
  • Why does a pen only work after you scribble in the corner? Follow-up: What do you draw to wake it up?
  • Why does every home have one drawer that will not close? Follow-up: What is the oddest thing in yours?
  • Why does one sock always come out of the wash inside out? Follow-up: Do you fix it or wear it?
  • Why does the bedroom chair hold more clothes than the closet? Follow-up: What is on yours right now?
  • Why does the other line always move faster? Follow-up: Do you switch or stay loyal?
  • Why does the phone ring only once you have sat down? Follow-up: Do you get up?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? Follow-up: What are you looking for in there at midnight?